A few years back, while working for a mental health center, anther therapist came to me stymied by the grief a client was experiencing when her dog died. He just could not understand how this lady could be so distraught over the loss of an animal. As everyone knew, I am a huge animal lover, so he came to me to ask if I would be her therapist.
Anyone who has loved a pet feels the loss acutely. Often the loss is amplified because a pet is an everyday companion. Of course we all feel grief when "Aunt Bertha " dies, but unless she has been your everyday companion, you might not truly feel the loss until a holiday, or some other occasion in which she participated. When you lose a beloved pet, you have lost a "partner" of sorts, and grief may be far more intense. Many people may be very insensitive to your pain.
I remember when I lost my beloved lab. His death was sudden and unexpected, but even had I been preparing for his death, my grief would still have been very intense. My "boss" at the time, was not pleased, to say the very least, when I took a personal day off of work, after all, "He was only a dog." Such is the insensitivity a pet lover will likely face when she loses a pet.
I remember at a different job, when a co-worker, lost one of her dogs unexpectedly. In her overwhelming grief, she actually entertained the thought that her vet might have not put her pup "to sleep," but had kept her for his own. Now, you may think this was a crazy thought--which it was--but in the depths of grief, folks often lose their sanity temporarily. My other co-workers were shocked at her response to the death, and less than supportive.
Grief and death are something we are very uncomfortable with in our society. People are even less comfortable when discussing the loss of a pet. I have some tips for handling grief we often face when losing our companion.
1. Allow yourself to cry for as long as it takes. Know that what you feel is "normal," and you are allowed to have your feelings.
2. Find a way to get your thoughts and feeling out. Whether it is talking with supportive friends or writing about your feelings. A combination of both is often the most helpful.
3. If you know of "Kuibler- Ross' " 5 stages of grief, throw them out. She is a pioneer in the study of grief, but we now know not everyone goes through these stages. More contemporary studies have been done, and grief is a little more complex than previously thought. So, allow yourself to have your own unique grieving experiences.
4. Don't expect that you will just wake up some morning and your grief will be gone. Grief does not "work" this way. I like to think of grief as the ocean. The tides come in and out and sometimes you are hit with crashing waves.
5. Grief will not all of a sudden go away one day. Grief will always be there to a degree, the pain may lessen with time, but most of us can still feel that acute pain from time to time. My lab died about 4 years ago, and every now and then, my eyes still well up with tears when I think of him!
6. Do something meaningful to "honor" your pet. It might be a grave stone, or a statue or a plant. There is a park where I live, that plants trees in honor of those who have passed. There are several there to pets. Honoring your pet is a very important step for some sort of "closure."
7. If grieving for your pet after about 2 weeks, is debilitating for you, then seek professional help. The loss of a pet can easily trigger emotions about the other losses you have had in your life. Grief can be pretty complicated, and it will help to have somebody to help you process what you are going through.
Feeling grief at the loss of your pet speaks volumes about the relationship with your pet and his or her unique qualities. It also speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. One who can love and appreciate the gift that pets are.
I always recommend that in time a person get another pet. One reason is you don't want to develop the "habit" of avoiding love for fear of being hurt. That is not a way to have a happy life. When you decide to get another pet, remember you are not replacing your previous one. No other pet can replace another pet. I always suggest getting another pet who is different than the one that died. Get one that is a different color, breed or gender. Every pet has it's own unique personality., and physical differences will help remind you that your new pet is totally a different experience in love.
No comments:
Post a Comment